Another merry band that were along was the Hughes clan with the newly en-dieseled Land Rover. All was going great, with Sandra Lee hammering it down into the 14s, until it blew a load of oil out of the breather and the marshalls got the hump. Full marks to Sandra Lee for operating that big diesel clutch despite having a dozen stitches in her thigh a day or two previously...
Vicky and Pete Smith were also along in their new toy, a 2007 Shelby Mustang GT500, but they weren't out on track, preferring to wait for a set of drag radials rather than scrub the frighteningly expensive Pirelli PZero road tyres that are on it...
Meanwhile, in another Mustang, Andrew Errington was out trying to get his 5.0 SN95 down into the 14s. After a whole load of bolt-on mods, this car has steadfastly refused to budge from the mid-15s. Fortunately, he'd brought the Bootlegger team for moral support. For instance, they told me that they'd taken the belt off to fit a smog-pump bypass, and when they came to refit it, nobody could work out which way around the pulleys it was supposed to go. There were four of them leaning into the engine bay for over half an hour, and nobody could figure it out. Eventually, they said, "Sod it, let's have a beer," stood up and realised that they'd been leaning on the diagram on the fan shroud that tells you which way around it goes.
This is the same brain trust that spent ages helping Andrew find his flip-flop. One evening, he found he only had one half of his pair of flip-flops: a flip, if you will, or possibly just a flop. After having spent ages turning the car and truck upside-down looking for the damn flop, they said, "Sod it, let's have a beer," opened the cool box and there, in the cooler with the beer, was the missing flop. I think we can all learn something from this, not least of which is that the goddess of beer will always provide the answer if you make an offering in her honour. And Andy did finally crack the 14s, and even got to the semis of the Bracket Gamblers.
The previous Thursday, I went to the SMMT Press Day at Millbrook Proving Grounds. This is where a bunch of manufacturers bring along their latest models and a load of journos turn up, pick some, take them out for 20 minutes or so then run off to the buffet. I'd been to test all the American cars that were there, so after a quick off-road trundle in a Jeep Cherokee I tried the new all-electric dual-motor Tesla. Man, I want to take that up the strip. The acceleration is truly frightening - 0-60 is something like 3.1 seconds - and because the torque curve isn't a curve (it's as flat as a fart from beginning to end) and all the torque is available from 1rpm, it's just relentless.
I also drove a Caterham. I tried one, but fell at the first hurdle when I couldn't slide my lardy arse into the wrap-around Kevlar bucket and I could press all three pedals at once with one steel-toed boot. After someone found some WD40 to help me out again, they showed me the wide-body model (not too sure what to make of that) which was great fun. It's just a motorbike that you can't fall off, but even for 15 minutes I found the gearing tiring. As you can see, 100mph was a screaming 6,000rpm.
I then drove a Maserati Quattroporte diesel - a 2.8 V6 unit made by VM, which is owned by Fiat ... as is Maserati. It was a very pleasant sports saloon, but I don't know why you'd cough up Maserati prices when Jaguar, Audi or BMW can do it just as well. Then I tried the Bentley Continental GT V8 S convertible, as it was such a sunny day. Now this, I could get used to. The first thing I did was set the driver's seat to 'massage' setting, then found Planet Rock on the monster DAB stereo set-up, then planted my boot into the shag pile and nearly befouled the beautiful leather. It rumbles around in silence, but when you hoof it it has exhaust cut-outs and bawls like a muscle car! I took it on the hill/handling course and chucked it around like a right featherweight. It was amazing, and when my six numbers come up this will definitely be in the top five.
Next was a Lexus RCF, a very Skyline-like two-door coupe with 475bhp and all the toys. This was also frighteningly fast, but with all the computer-aided crap on it I never really felt like I was driving it - it always felt like it was taking over. And I couldn't get Planet Rock on the DAB. Yes, an amazingly capable ultra-modern GT, but not for me.
I did, however, use the Lexus to put something to the test. Millbrook has a two-mile, four-lane bowl, progressively banked. Apparently, in lane four, the most banked part of the track, you can let go of the wheel at 100mph and the car will just follow the course. So I did. And it did! There are stories of a couple of journos with a new 5-series Beemer who got in lane four, set the cruise control, reclined the seats, got in the back and videoed the journey...
A few other manufacturers had brought along classics from their heritage collections. Vauxhall brought the very first Viva, looking a lot less anonymous than the new one, certainly.
Suzuki brought a restored Whizz-kid, and I had a go in that. It was a tight squeeze, but it's like driving a shoe. I soon found that it had bugger-all in the way of brakes, with the pedal disappearing to the floor and then locking up.
Newspress, a trade PR outlet, had a theme of 'Your First Car', and had brought a Nova, a Micra, a MkII Fiesta and this, a rather scabby 1100cc Allegro. It was as-found, complete with wheelarch and sill rust, mis-matched touch-up paints, butchered wiring and saggy brown velour seats.
I desperately wanted to drive it and find it to be a cute and endearing drive, friendly, like an old Mini. Sadly, it lived up to its reputation, was uncomfortable and noisy with a whining sump-ful of gears and heavy steering.
It was also rather unreliable, requiring many rescues and repairs through the day.
Jaguar had brought the last XJ12C coupe off the production line, and I managed to have a drive in that. Dave, a gent from Jaguar Heritage, had to accompany me to make sure I wasn't drifting it or doing rolling burnouts or anything clever like that. This was mitigated considerably by Dave telling me about the '70 Chevelle he'd just bought... and subsequently brought along to Gary's Picnic!
Favourite car of the day? This 1972 Toyota Crown coupe... a very American-styled pillarless coupe with a big, lazy 2.6-litre straight six and soft, boulevard handling. It was owned by a member of the owner's club, and he was a top bloke - he also owned an early Celica and a couple of other models - and the car was perfect. Pneumatic central locking, loads of switches, manual front windows but electric rear windows, even a period in-car phone. I loved it just as it was, but I can think of no better home for a nice LS6...
Eugene
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