Need a brake...

Earlier, I was lying on my back in a pile of filth and shite and those bits of wire that spit from the zip disc and get lodged in your clothes so they can stab you later when they feel more like it, considering the issues of sexual inequality.

This was brought about as I was trying to remove a brake flare nut from an ancient, seized wheel cylinder on an MG Midget that hasn't seen the road this century. I considered that the brake flare nut is called the 'male' fitting, and the wheel cylinder the 'female' fitting. I further deduced that this is because the flare nut is a complete prick, and the wheel cylinder is a twat that doesn't do any work.

The main issue wasn't getting the flare nut out of the cylinder; rather it was getting the nut to release its grip on the copper brake pipe within without corkscrewing it. So I dosed it liberally with PlusGas, which didn't do much at all. Then I tried the blowtorch. All this achieved was setting fire to the puddle of PlusGas inside the brake drum. So, you see a fire, your first reaction is to put it out, so ... I blew on it, the result of which was that I blew the PlusGas - still burning - onto my arm and the blanket I was lying on. I think I put the fire out by sheer force of swearing.

Another volley of cursing and mighty oaths actually freed the brake pipe from the union, so I unscrewed it and left it all and went home before I did some proper damage. It does seem that cursing the bejesus out of old British brake parts does help. Not pleading, not cajoling, but some genuine, force 10 profanity that turns the air so blue you could knock a nail into it. Worth a try. I could bottle it and call it CussGas.

As an aside, I noticed another sexual inequality today whilst driving around. In this current spell of glorious weather, a woman can put on a summer dress and look cool, comfortable and glamorous. A man will put on shorts and a vest top and look an absolute bell-end. It's not fair. Likewise, a woman can put on a school uniform and blokes will steam at the earholes and drool uncontrollably. A bloke puts on a school uniform and looks like a steaming retard. Sorry, even if your name is Angus, you still look like a fuckwit.

I'm not sure where the last bit came from. Probably best not to lean on that door...

Eugene