Season's End - Finals race report

It's now October. Boooo. Once again, the season's all but finished and there's bugger-all to look forward to for the rest of the year.

Prior to the finals, I was jolly excited, looking forward to seeing whether Nigel could sneak the crown from James.

After the finals, I was just a bit ...

... and still bloody am. I copped for a bit of a cold the day after the finals, and even though that was nearly a fortnight ago now, I'm still blowing half a pint of guacamole out of my nose every five minutes.

Anyway, the finals. September 21st was the date, and for the first time in living memory, I actually rocked up not just early but early enough to have to join the queue at the still-closed gates! First in line was John and Chris Osborne, and behind them Andy Hadfield who was already dishing out the JD and Coke to his usual recipe... We'd managed a late-ish booking at the Barnes Wallis to allow everyone to get set up and take a leisurely drive, and enjoyed a right good nosebag and a beer or two. As well as the Osbornes, it was also good to see the return of Nick and Carol Gunby.

Sunday was cool, clear and dry with a slight cross wind, and there were a few of our star players out to chalk some final big scores on the board before the end of the season. Andy Fadster set his stall out early with an 8.28 at 171mph, taking pole position by in excess of two seconds. In the past few months, Andy has run a seven at Santa Pod and York, and was clearly going for the full set, perhaps becoming the first street car ever to do so. He was also looking for the fastest street car at York title, although nobody seems to know exactly what that record stands at.

Another arrival out looking for a big score was Ian Walley, who had had a high-stall torque converter custom built to short order in the States, sent over double-quick and fitted in rather lively fashion, only to find that it stalled at exactly the same revs as the old one (which he had since sold). Rather than complain, the stiff upper lip prevailed and, by using a monstrous dollop of nitrous and the transbrake, was able to overpower the converter and launch inside the powerband. He tested this a few times ... inside his crowded unit full of customers' cars. Well, what could go wrong?

It's a 1.3 ... yeah, right, 1.3 second sixty-foots, maybe! A 10.4 in qualifying showed that there was definitely something in store from Ian. Russ was next on 11.0, then Derek on 11.7, then another big jump to Gilly in the Cortina looking sharp on 13.7. Phil Winstanley in the long-absent Moggy Minor returned to the fold with a 14.4 (and qualifying for the season at the same time).

Next was Tom Barker in the Astra, also qualifying, on 14.5, Andy Errington's TVR on a 15.0, then Gasket in the Mustang on a 15.2. Considering the season so far has been like a meeting of the Mustang Owners' Club (but with more emphasis on Fox and SN95 Mustangs and less emphasis on matching numbers), Gasket's was the only one there and is now up for sale for a very reasonable sum. Nigel's championship-contender Anglia was next on 15.9, then Rick, back out in the Viva, on 17.8, with the dirty dozen rounded out by Nick in the Zephyr that sounded, apparently, just like a BRISCA F2 stock car on its straight-through pipes but thoroughly exceeded Nick's expectations by breaking into the teens on only its second run with a 19.9.

Christ, I've just coughed up something the consistency of creme brulee but the colour of a 1970s bathroom suite... good god, it's got tubes sticking out of it. If this is man-flu I'm quite worried that it may have mutated into ebola.

And so, straight into the first round, and that saw the clean and rapid MkI of Gilly showing Andy's TVR how it's done, 13.4 to 15.2. Next came a bit of an upset as Ian Walley was pushed back off the line for fluid leak, leaving Rick to run uncontested into the quarter finals - yet another dose of bad luck for Ian. Next, Phil Winstanley pushed an extra tenth out of the Minor, 14.3 to Tom's 15.1, followed by Russ pulling a 10.1 out of the bag against Nigel's 16.1, thereby ending his hopes of taking the championship top spot - Nigel was assured of second, but now nobody could catch James Murray, our new 2014 NSCC champion.

Nick got a stellar view of Faster's parachute end, his 20.1 playing a rather optimistic catch-up to Andy's 8.4, while Derek managed an 11.5 against Gasket's 15.4 to round out the first bout of eliminations and set up the quarters.

The quarters opened with Fadster, still on his mission for a seven, but seemingly with it getting ever further out of reach, ripping off an 8,7 against Phil's 14.1, followed by Derek hitting out a so-close 11.09 at 124mph to Russ's 10.1 at 135, a lightning reaction from Derek meaning that race was probably a lot closer than it looked, but Russ still took the win light. Gilly ended Rick's good luck, 13.9 to 17.7, to set up the semis.

Gilly's luck ran out straight away in the semis as he met Russ, whose 10.8 rather overshadowed Gilly's excellent 13.4, while Andy just broke the beams in his bye on the other side of the ladder as he was also competing in Super Cup and didn't want to push his luck. Oh, the irony...

I've just blown my nose again - imagine trying to catch half a pound of Swarfega in one sheet of bog roll. Yuk. I bet this stuff would make really good gasket sealant. Has anybody ever tried it? Never mind Blue Hylomar; I've got Green Aaarghmenose,

Right, to the finals, and it was a bit of an anti-climax. After a full season of hard-fought competition, it came down to Russ and Andy, the latter still trying for that elusive seven. In the end, Andy, shot off prematurely. Very prematurely - he left on the first amber, and later claimed confusion as Super Cup race pro tree and we race sportsman. Whatever, we reckon it was caused by him pressing the cigarette lighter instead of the transbrake button, but either way he ran a whopping 8.48 at 170mph but Russ took the win with his 10.1 at 135mph.

In other news, Ian was honing his full-boost, nitrous launches and not only managed to pick the front wheels right off the deck he also finally broke into the nines. And not just a bit - he broke right in there with a 9.57 at 133 and backed it up with a 9.64 at 132mph. Much celebration chez Walley, then, and a ling time coming, though I suspect his 0.83 and 0.79 second sixty-foots may have been a little optimistic, surely?

And that's your lot for this year. The final points standings are on www.nscc.info, congratulations to James Murray, our 2014 champion, and well done to all the runners-up. In fact, to everyone who took part - thanks. This year has marked a radical improvement in numbers for NSCC and, more importantly, there's seemed to be a lot more enthusiasm floating about. It's been a lot of fun, so thanks to everyone who has helped make it that way.

And talking of floating about, I'm off to find another roll of bum-tickets.

Eugene

Are You Startin'?

After finally having put the 32/36 Weber on the Pinto-powered Mustang ragtop, I've come to realise that manual choke conversion kits aren't that plentiful any more. I suppose I shouldn't be surprised, seeing as the last car made with a carburettor probably rolled off the production line 20 years ago, but it still makes me righteously indignant.

Anyway, the latest issue with the bloody thing involved the starter motor. About a month ago, the sodding transmission cooler lines ruptured AGAIN, leading me to abandon the cooler built into the radiator and to repurpose the redundant air conditioning condenser radiator as a trans cooler. This merely involved cutting off half the rusty trans cooler pipes and replacing them with some thick-walled rubber hose. Don't use thin-wall - I found this to my cost when it burst within five miles last time around.

The new cooler works a treat - in fact, it's probably over-spec by about 200% as the fluid never seems to get warm - but I'd noticed that the starter motor had been getting a bit lazy. Sometimes it wouldn't turn over at all, and, suspecting the solenoid, a common fault on Foxes, I'd bridged the main terminals and got it to start. Then, after a trip of about seven miles to the local bearings and fasteners factors, it wouldn't start. I tried bridging the solenoid but ... nothing. I tried clubbing the starter with a hammer, and still nothing. I could hear the solenoid clicking closed, and could hear the arm that throws the pinion on the starter, but it wasn't turning. You can't push-start a C3 auto so I had no choice but to call the AA and tell them the starter was fubar. So, after waiting just over an hour (there was a pub nearby that sold London Pride which, although it sounds like a gay festival is actually a decent pint. Well, this one was pretty mediocre, but anyway...) the AA patrolman turns up and tells me my starter motor is fubar. Thanks. Fair play to the guy, though, he jacked the car up and whipped off the starter, connected it to his jump-start pack and, sure enough, the pinion shot out but the motor didn't turn one jot.

So, two hours later, a recovery truck arrives to haul the car three miles to the workshop. I'd told patrol-dude I was happy for him to flat-tow me for three miles but he wouldn't - not only might it damage the auto box, there's no towing eye on the front of a Fox.

A desperate plea went out on Faecebook and, having confirmed that a Euro Pinto starter motor will NOT fit, found out that a V8 starter WILL.

The Pinto starter (on the right) uses a three-bolt fixing, while the V8 uses two, but apparently a V8 starter will go on. God bless Billy 'Four-Speed' Cattell, who not only had a spare starter but was also heading to the Hot Rod Drags, where I was going the following day.

As you can see, Billy's starter is clean and painted while mine is foul and filthy, and I think this tells you everything you need to know about Billy and I. You'll also notice that the V8 starter is quite a bit larger around the body than the Pinto one (yes, I know, I'm a fine one to talk) and when it came to mount it, guess what was in the way? Yes, the remains of the sodding transmission cooler steel pipes. Well, if I just bend them out of the way here a fraction, bend them a fraction towards the sump here, then just a tiny little bend heSNAP. Bloody hell's teeth, I thought, with another few quids-worth of ATF dribbling into the gravel, there must be thruppence-worth of shonky steel pipe here but they've already caused me at least a grand's-worth of pain in my fudgy bunghole and they're STILL AT IT! Another cut'n'shut with some rubber pipe and I'm considering buying shares in the company that makes Jubilee clips.

I also had to drill out the terminal end on the starter cable by a mil or two to go over the stud on the V8 starter, which means putting the terminal in the Workmate, the drill biting into the brass, pulling it free and coiling up the starter cable while you get whipped by the loose end. I don't understand why some people pay for this sort of treatment...

The silver lining is that the car now starts with a minimum of fuss, and I may one day get around to stripping down the Pinto starter and trying to find the cause of its demise. I believe that being soaked in hot trans fluid from busted cooler pipes not once, not twice but FOUR times may have something to do with it...

The Uphill Gardeners

Right at the end of August, we all headed off to Shelsley Walsh, one of the hallowed grounds of UK motorsport heritage. On this weekend, though, they'd opened the doors to all manner of scruffy herberts, youngsters and other hoodies.

The Retro Rides Gathering is just that, a gathering, not particularly a show, organised by the Retro Rides online forum. It seems (from the outside) to be blessedly free of club politics and BS, and everyone with an interesting car is welcome. Note: interesting. Not necessarily the rarest, most expensive or laden with billet crap, just interesting. The rarity value they seem to prize isn't the most valuable, rather the car of which there are few left, the forgotten. And they genuinely seem to appreciate resourcefulness and engineering ingenuity rather than who can bung the most money at something. Yes, there were a few examples that make you scratch your head, like cars with preposterously extended and convoluted exhaust pipes like those oddball Japs do, and a few cars with one pint tyres on quart rims, but mostly it's just interesting older stuff. The average age of the car owners is also well below that of the usual rod run.

There were a handful of NSCC cars in the mix, such as Nigel's Anglia (above), many of whom were guests of Mick Wilkes' Wacky Racers, who had a display stand there. Phil Winstanley's Moggy was also there after a long absence.

The hill was open on a RWYB basis, although there was no timing so it was purely an opportunity to blast up the hill for fun. Wacky, god bless him, made several runs in the little Bedford van and was warned by the clerk of the course to take it easy after each one. They also invited him back at a later date to put a few timed runs in, saying that the Bedford was as quick out of the gates as many single-seaters...

It's a buzzing little event to go to, out in the middle of nowhere, and a tremendous atmos. Any pre-1990 NSCC car could have turned up and been welcomed into the fold. There were even a few familiar faces from Shakey there - I spotted a Huxley Falcon and Mr Mulligan's brown Buick. You also know you're west of the M5 by the fact that the bar had a couple of different ciders on tap. Looking for something a little different from the usual rod run? Give RRG a go next year.

Eugene

NSCC Rounds 8 & 9

Blimey, it only seems like two minutes since the last race report, but here's August's! And it's only bloody September! Please do not mistake this for efficiency, and I'd advise you don't expect this in the future.
August's bank holiday double-header at York didn't start very well for Saturday evening arrivals, beginning with Biff locking his keys in his Mustang in the queue to get in (a Mercedes key, provided by a helpful guy in the queue, fitted perfectly, apparently) and followed after dark by some torrential rain. This led to many people attempting to waterproof themselves from the inside out with beer. It doesn't work, but after a while it stops you giving a shit about being wet.

Even with Mr Murty Sr brushing and sledding the track at midnight, Sunday started cool and very damp, and it was a while before qualifying got under way. Nobody was expecting great things from the track, but Russ managed to put the Dutton on pole with a 10.5 at 135mph anyway. Next came Simon Boot in the Bootlegger Camaro at 11.54 and Derek's TVR at 11.8, then Jo Zyla in Eddie's Mitsubishi while her own car is still awaiting major engine surgery, easily rattling off a 13.2. James managed 13.5 in the Cortina, then Steve Gilmour back on form at 13.9 in his Cortina, then Mark Butterworth led the Fox charge three hundredths later. Biff's SN95 was down at 14.5, a whisker ahead of Tom Barker's Astra now sporting a 2.0 engine and a three-second jump in ETs. John Peace was way off form in the next Fox at 14.8, another Fox from Paul Davies at 15.0, then Shaun Wilson's fresh-out SN95 on 15.3. These bloody Mustangs are getting as common as muck. Andy Errington's TVR was down at 15.7, then Nigel's hot four-pot Anglia at 16.2, rounded out by Rick Swaine in the Viva at 17.7. It says a lot that 14.5 was enough for the bottom spot in the top half of the ladder.

Eliminations started with Bootlegger eliminating the Viva, 11.5 to 17.6, then Biff and Tom, only five hundredths apart in qualifying, suddenly went their separate ways, Biff to a 13.6 and Tom to a 16.0. James picked up some form to a 12.5 against Shaun's 15.1, likewise the Foxes of Mark and John both picked up almost half a second, the advantage going to Mark. Gilly got the sprightly MkI Cortina down to a 13.4 against Paul's 15.0, then Derek laid down a relatively gentle 13.0 to put Nigel out. Jo squeezed a 12.9 out of the Evo to Andy's 16.0, then Russ laid down an 11.7-second bye to finish off a first round that went entirely according to the form book.

Into the quarter finals, and Simon Boot opened the bidding with an 11.8 at a low 100mph to Mark's 13.5 at a more-like-it 101mph, then James repeated his 12.5 second form to see off Jo's Evo at 13.1. Russ belted out a 10.7 with Biff crossing the stripe three seconds later, before Derek ran 13.1 with half a second to spare against Steve. Again, all to the form book.

The first of the two semis threw up a bit of a conundrum, Derek apparently running a 7.6 against Simon's 10.5, both of them crossing the line at 128mph. Simon got the win light, though, so maybe it was Derek's apparent 4.2 second reaction that lost him the race. All Derek has to do now is to back up that 7.6 within 1% and he can really stick it to the Twister... Meanwhile, Russ ran an easy 11.2 to end James's day and set up the finals.

That last run had produced some rather funny noises from Derek's TVR, Derek tracing the problem to a split weld on the manifold. If only...
In the final, Simon, on tyres with the remaining structural integrity of a novelty condom, managed to launch hard, picking the wheels up on a 0.5 reaction and rattle off a 10.7 at 129mph. Brilliant, but wily Russ always leaves something in the bag, which he whipped out now and dropped a 9.70-bomb to take the win. Wow.
It should also be pointed out that Derek, Russ and Simon were the last three remaining in the annual Street Racer Shootout running concurrently with NSCC, and Simon managed to put the "hot favourite" out with a 10-second blast, then Russ won overall to take the honours and the prize purse.
The evening saw the KC Cackle on the startline, then a pick-your-own cruise led everyone a merry dance around the countryside before returning to site to enjoy the band and sink another few ales.

Sadly, there was more overnight rain to endure from Sunday night into Monday morning, and Monday started late with a marginal track. The first round of qualifying was run, with the track telling us that that was all we were likely to get, with them running the RWYBers up as cannon-fodder for most of the morning. Then, at lunchtime, with a view to finally running American Super Stock, Super Cup and the like, they glued the track. Sadly, half an hour later, with A/SS midway through their first qualifier, a proper shower of rain came along. This, on top of the freshly-prepped track, gave indications of putting the tin hat on the rest of the day's proceedings. A kangaroo court was convened somewhere in the NSCC pits, and the majority voted to abandon the day.

The rain persisted down for the next hour or so while everyone was packing up, but those who stayed were treated to a track almost to themselves later in the day, and some classes ran to completion. A bit of a whimper to end a weekend that should have gone with a bang, but at least the points could be awarded based on qualifying times. The piss-poor luck award either goes to Russ, who missed the first and what would turn out to be the only qualifying round on Monday, or to Lee who turned up to race his El Camino only to be booted at scrutineering for only having lap belts.

It all certainly gives James a hell of a lead in the championships. In fact, James could hang up his crash hat right now and be almost certain of lifting the trophy at the end of the year. But you never know - we're now into the last month of NSCC 2014, and with many, many people still yet to qualify, it's heading for the Last Chance Saloon with the finals just a couple of weeks away. It's all getting jolly exciting...

Eugene

NSCC Rounds 6 & 7

Yes, with rounds 8 and 9 having happened just over a week ago, I suppose I'd better fill in the race report for rounds 6 and 7 that happened way back in July.

It was, unfortunately, the weekend of July 12th and 13th, which happened to coincide with Dragstalgia down at Santa Pod, an event that called plenty of the usual suspects away. And who could blame them - Dragstalgia featured some real crowd-pullers, not least a pair of old-school Fuel Altereds and a Gasser all the way from the States. By all accounts, it was a blinder of a weekend and NSCC lunatic Andy Hadfield managed to run his first seven in the road-legal Twister T, so buns all round.

This did leave a rather depleted field up at York, of course, with all classes running a skeleton crew. NSCC managed a scant seven qualifiers on the Saturday, headed by Simon 'Bootlegger' Boot on a 10.8 at 128mph, followed by James Murray on 12.7 at 111. John Peace wrung a 13.3 out of the blown Fox, with Knobby Colquhoun a shade behind on 13.5, then Paul Davis in the four-eye Fox Mustang (a car which I'm sure appeared in NSCC in different hands many years ago) on 14.4, Steve Gilmour on 14.7, and newcomer Tom Barker in an Astra on 17.4.

So, a pair of GMs bookending a field of Fords. With only seven players, round one of eliminations was also the quarter finals so plenty of points and more buns all round. Simon ran an 11.1 on a bye run, and why not, while James took Tom out 13.8 to 17.6. Knobby knocked Paul out 13.4 to 14.8 and John got a mighty holeshot on Gilly to make sure of his place in the semis. Although Gilly got a 90.0000mph terminal, possibly the most OCD terminal ever witnessed.

In the semis, Simon ran a relatively sedate 11.9 to finish Knobby's day, while John pulled a cherry trying to repeat his holeshot against James. In the final, Simon handed James three tenths on the line but then got his own back by winning with a second and a half in hand. And that was it. The day was over, done and dusted before 4pm, leaving everybody chance to sit around scratching their suntans and topping up their knackers for a couple of hours before we all went out on a cruise. Possibly. I can't remember. I expect there was a large dinner involved, and possibly a couple of beers upon our return, but I'm not going to swear to anything. I can't remember what happened this morning, never mind two months ago.

Sunday, and we woke up to another gorgeous morning and a couple of extra cars to swell the ranks. Firstly, the "if shit was lucky I'd be constipated" award goes to Stuart Harrison, who brought his super-duper Supra all the way down from Darlington only to shear all the propshaft bolts in the burnout before qualifying.

It sadly wasn't done in time for second qualifiers, so he came a long way to be a spectator... Nevertheless, we still ended up with 10 qualifiers. The top of the ladder looked similar, topped by Simon on 11.0 but now chased by Ian Walley on 11.1, James on 12.7 and Knobby on 13.8. Everybody else seemed to be struggling for form, though, with Shaun Cockcroft's Crossflow MkII Escort nipping into fifth with a 15.02 ahead of Paul's 15.08, John languishing at 15.4, and Lee Openshaw's Punto's 15.50 nudging Gilly's 15.57 down into ninth with Tom shoring up the field on a 17.3.

In round one, Simon dispatched Tom by a clear five and a half seconds, though Simon's 94mph terminal didn't bode well. In the Cortina match-up, Ian pulled a 10.8 out of his bottom to shut down Gilly's 15.4 while Knobby redlit his chances away against John. Paul was gifted a win when Shaun's Escort plummeted to 17.0, then James's no-gas 13.7 was enough to see off Lee's Fiat and set up the quarter finals.

In the quarters, John suddenly found 13-second form again but it wasn't enough to beat James's 12.9 despite his dozy reactions. Simon, on a bye, just broke the beams then backed up to wait for the semis, not wanting to chance anything on such a baking hot day, then Ian ended Paul's run of luck with another 10.8 to Paul's 14.7.

So, Simon was sat at the startline waiting for James to come around and run the semis. He as ready, too, and clicked off a stout 11.3 to James's 13.1 to take his place in the finals. Ian, meanwhile, just had to break the beams on his bye, then back up and wait.

Which is what he did. In the end, Simon left like a man possessed with a 0.52 light and ran an 11.4 at 121mph. Ian, meanwhile, left the line 0.4 seconds later but got to the line just shy of 0.5 seconds quicker on a 10.9 at 126. It must have been as tight as a mermaid's minge at the top end, but the win light came on in Ian's lane and Sunday's trophy went back to Darlington. Simon had a damn good time and took home a trophy and 3900 points from the weekend. Everyone else went home covered in grit and sweat having had a really good, sunny weekend despite the lower-than-we're used to turnout. And, who knows, before the final we might even have the write-up for the August meet! Points and dates are on www.nscc.info.

Eugene

The late, late race report - NSCC Round 5

By crikey, it's now August and, as I remembered when I found the round sheets, there's been no race report for the Spring Bank Holiday event way back in May! I'd better correct that, although aside from the data provided by York themselves, I can't remember a damn thing that happened so, once again, some of this tale is likely to be absolute fabrication and complete nonsense. Mind you, most race reports read like that anyway.

Although this was a two-day event at York, NSCC was only down to appear on the Monday. Many NSCCers had signed up for the inaugural UK Power Tour which started in Rye on the Saturday, went to Shakey on the Sunday and up to York on the Monday, so it would have been silly to hold NSCC at York over both days. As it transpired, only four NSCCers could be arsed to do the Power Tour, and as it further transpired they did pretty damn well for themselves with Derek Beck finishing second overall on an average 12.06 ET, James Murray fourth on 12.34 and John Peace 10th on 13.91. Erstwhile NSCC winner Mick Wilkes managed third on 12.11 and took the fastest four-pot trophy.

As it happens, the Sunday at York was a rain-off anyway, and when the Power Tourers arrived there was a soggy scene to greet them, along with a mountain of Volkswagens. The Monday was a lot clearer, I think, and with the valiant Power Tourers in the mix, there were 15 cars qualified for NSCC. Top of the heap was the Bootlegger on 11.09 at 126mph, followed by the nitrous-snorting TVR of Derek Beck on 11.78. Robert 'Knobby' Colquhoun in the bright orange Focus was fourth on 13.6, then Biff Bailey was back out to play with the SN95 Mustang on 14.1. In a complete turnaround from previous NSCC events, the average was a lot slower meaning that Andy Errington's TVR on a 15.2 was in the top half of the ladder... Rick Swaine had 17.6 from the newly-Pintoed Viva, leaving bump spot to Mark Presland.

Straight into eliminations, with Simon rattling off an 11.1-second bye. Jo Zyla didn't show with a death-rattling Toyota, leaving Andy to cruise to a 16.1 solo, while Derek conserved nitrous against Mark. Dec's Golf didn't record a time - I can't remember why - leaving Biff to run another solo, while James' 13.6 saw off Scott Presland's 18.2. Knobby's 13.8 ended Rick's day, John Peace rattled off a 14.0 against Nigel Henderson's 105E, then Lee Openshaw redlit against Dave Smith in the Fox Mustang.

In the second heat, Simon drilled his mate Andy 11.3 to 15.3, James hammered John 13.6 to 15.0, Knobby screwed Biff 13.5 to 15.6, and to round of all this DIY, Derek made a charming breakfast nook in various complementing neutral shades for Dave 13.0 to 15.0.

Right, third heat, which was also the semi finals. Simon battered Knobby 10.7 to 13.5, while James covered Derek in a light yet flavoursome parsley sauce 12.63 to 12.64 - a race that was won on the line with James having turned the gas on and Derek seeming to have run out.

Finals time, and James, having covered several hundred miles in the Cortina during the preceding two days found that the impending quarter-mile would be the most crucial. He got over a third of a second drop on Simon at the green, but Simon responded with a 10.9 that James's 12.7 just couldn't touch, holeshot or not. Full points for the Bootlegger and a long ride home for all those who joined in the Power Tour, a total distance that ranged from 700 miles for Dave and James to 800+ for Derek.

And that was the May event. At this rate, you should be expecting the July report sometime around Halloween...

Odd Sized Balls

The "Sheep In Wolf's Clothing" Mustang finally passed its test in June, and so, at the end of the month, it got a fresh tax disc. I didn't mind paying £230 for a year's road tax - less than £20 a month seems like a small price to pay for roads that are the envy of the rest of the world. And so, at the beginning of July, it hit the streets. I even gave it a damn good wash, wax and buff-up, mainly because in between the MoT and the tax, it was parked under a tree. A cherry tree. A cherry tree that was home to a lot of pigeons. And pigeon shite with cherry stones in it is surprisingly hard to shift - I wasn't sure which would be more appropriate to shift them, a pressure washer or a nine-iron.

During the cleaning process, the dog decided to have a kip on the driver's seat. A delightful shower of small leaves fluttered down with every light breeze, a fact that didn't stop the dog getting her 40 winks, and she ended up covered in the damn things. Bone idle creature.

It didn't seem to matter, as after two weeks of driving the car I was all but ready to get shut of it - I wasn't getting along with it at all. It was utterly, totally gutless, more than even a smog-motor 2.3 Pinto and C3 auto had any right to be. Getting up even the slightest gradient was touch-and-go, and pulling out of junctions into traffic was brown trousers time. And worst of all, I was getting around 16-18mpg.

I took it over to James so we could attack the blowing manifold-to-downpipe issue - the studs were so worn that the M12 nuts wouldn't tighten up. Having whipped the manifold off, James discovered that the reason the M12 nuts wouldn't tighten up was that the studs were actually 7/16" UNC. It was late at night, and James didn't have any 7/16", so he drilled and tapped a couple of M10s... how cool's that? We also removed the spark plugs - snapping two in the process - and found evidence of extremely weak mixture and/or extra advance. I stripped the carb down - a Holley copy of a Weber - and it looked perfect, it was like new inside. I put it back together and, lo and behold, not a jot of difference. I asked James if he had a Weber from a 2.0 Pinto; he replied "Hold on, I've got a bag of them round here somewhere." Indeed he had - he found a rat-proof bag with three Webers in it.

Later, I checked ignition timing again, and noticed that at TDC, the rotor arm wasn't pointing directly at number one terminal on the dizzy cap. Hmmm ... it seemed that the cam belt had jumped a notch. Putting that right made... huh, pretty much bugger-all difference. I put the best of James's three Webers on, and it seemed a bit healthier but the throttle linage was completely different, and while you can unbolt the levers from the spindle on the Euro-Weber, the US version had the levers peened onto the shaft.

Then, on my way home from work one day, I stopped via Wacky Racers and Wacky Mick lent me a Weber from a 3.0 Capri. This had a ball-joint throttle linkage just like the Holley/Weber, so a short while ago I dropped it on.

It went straight on, and all was groovy until I tried to attach the throttle cable. Damnation, the ball on the 3.0 Weber was much bigger than the one on the Holley. However, there was a bit of linkage left on Wacky's carb, so it was time for a bit of on-the-spot engineering...

Well shag me bandy and call me Rolf, it's like a different car... and in a good way. The carb instantly idled exactly as it should, and though there's no kickdown linkage and it's clearly way too much carb for the engine, there's actually a bit of life to the engine now, where previously you'd have found more life in a tramp's vest. It's still not going to spin the wheels but at least it's not dangerous, and on the first tank it returned 23mpg...!

Last weekend was a busy one, too. I headed down to the Mopar Euronats at Santa Pod on Friday evening, went to the Silverstone Classic on Saturday, then back to Santa Pod on Saturday night and all day Sunday. It was SPF50, hood-down weather almost all weekend, although the overall NSCC count at the event was low and James and I ended up camped next to a gentleman who suffered a beer-induced psychotic event late on Friday night culminating in the attempted murder of the imaginary intruder in his tent...

While Russ and Shaun Pursley managed a string of low-nine-second NPBs at the event, poor Jamie Hughes managed to blow up the Land Rover again. Honestly, if bad luck was beer, Jamie would be pissed until Christmas.

There's a whole month to go until the next race meeting at York, so there's plenty of time to try to get the Pinto Fox up to scratch...

Eugene