Round six of NSCC is a
bit of an odd one – it's a weekend event, but the classes are only
run on the Saturday; the Sunday is reserved for the Street Racer
eliminator and a Big Bracket.
(The new Honda NSX
apparently has fly-by-wire brakes. Blimey, what could go wrong? I've
owned plenty of cars with batteries so close to death that I've had
to drive without using the brakes because lighting the brake lights
would cause the fuel pump to cut out. If the brakes themselves had
relied on that battery, I'd have been wrapped around a lamppost long
ago)
Arriving early –
well, early for me – on Saturday morning, I was pleased to see that
there were 15 NSCCers ready to qualify. Well, almost ready. Jamie and
crew were sitting in the gravel swapping differentials by the time
first qualifier was called. Some of the usual suspects were clearly
keeping their powder dry for Dragstalgia, but a 15 car field was
actually the largest class fielded that day. Simon Boot was on pole
position with a 10.4 at 135. Ian Walley had pulled several
all-nighters to get the Cortina ready for this event, but was
rewarded with second spot on 11.022, but Russ Pursley was hotter on
his heels than Tabasco stilettos with an 11.023. Derek was charging
hard on 12.11, still without nitrous, but Jamie had the Land Rover
re-diffed and ready for second qualifying, laying down a 12.15.
(That baldy bloke has a
gorgeous '68 Mustang on Top Gear. It's badged up as a GT500. Don't
know if it's real. He said the Mustang brakes were “not so much
brakes; more like novelty items.” OK, can't really fault him on
that.)
James Murray followed
on 12.6, Pete in the late model GT500 on 13.1, then Gilly in the MkI
on 13.5. Tom Barker grabbed ninth with a 13.91 at a whopping 112mph,
which hints at things to come, but Lee Opey was right behind on
13.92.
(“If you're wondering
whether the line lock has any purpose at all... no.” Bell-end)
Andy Errington's
Mustang slotted in in 11th with 14.4 – a long way off
his recent best – then a big jump to Rick in 12th on a
15.9.
(“If you want a
Mustang that's easy to live with, do you want a Mustang at all?”
Yeah, he picked the '68 and went way up in my estimation. He should
apply for Evans's job)
Dave's Lexus, Scott's
Pop and Mark's Prefect filled out the rest of the ladder. With a cool
day and a mighty following wind, new PBs should have been on the
cards, and although the threat of rain was never far away, we hardly
saw a drop.
(Christ almighty, Greg
Davies is vast)
Round one of
eliminations opened with Simon taking it easy on a 13.2 second bye,
with a terminal of 131mph. Eh? There'd be plenty of odd results like
that, as the timing computers had clearly been on the mushrooms and
would spend the afternoon freaking out occasionally. Next was the
mid-table match-up of Gilly and Tom; Tom ran 13.5 and Gilly 13.7, but
the win light came on for Gilly thanks to much sharper reactions.
Next, Dave's Lexus went out to Derek's TVR, 12.1 to 15.8. This was a
new PB for the Lexus, and the high point in a day where the usually
consistent and reliable Lexus's times were all over the place like a
madwoman's shite.
(Is Greg Davies
channelling the spirit of Rik Mayall these days, or what?)
Another close race
followed when James met Andy. It shouldn't have been that close, but
James managed the trifecta of a crap reaction, a missed shift and the
sudden realisation that he'd forgotten to turn the nitrous on, which
handed the win to Andy's Mustang. Russ took it quite easy but still
beat Scott; likewise Ian versus Mark. Jamie's Land Rover went out and
ran a mighty 11.98 against Rick's 16.0, then Pete ran an equally
impressive 12.8 against Opey's 14.1.
(That Porsche has a
500bhp, 4.0-litre flat six. Am I the only person who thought “That'd
be mental in an NSU Prinz”?)
Right, into the quarter
finals, which began with Simon ripping off another 10.2 to put Gilly
back on the trailer, followed by Pete cutting a 0.50 light and
running 12.3 against... nobody. Once again, Ian's bottom end had let
him down, and zero oil pressure meant that the Cortina was abandoned
in the pits. Again. Honestly, Ian's luck is so bad that if he fell
into a bucket of tits he'd come out sucking his thumb.
(How much?! One million
for a rebuilt Aston? Bugger that. And if I had a million pound Aston
I wouldn't chuck the keys to that ginger chimp)
Another close race
followed, with Derek and Jamie facing off. Derek got the drop on the
lights, and peeled off an 11.94 – still without the gas, which
means he's knocking on the door of that TVR NA record. Jamie was just
two tenths behind, too. I did love Jamie's air filter. He has a turbo
the size of John Merrick's head feeding another turbo of similar
size, so what does he have to stop them sucking in things like
leaves, gravel and light aircraft? A sieve, cable-tied in place. I
don't think Jamie goes to the motor factors, the scrapyard or the
hardware shop like the rest of us; he just raids the kitchen.
(£100,000 for an MGB?!
Hahahahaha. 300bhp, though...)
To round out the
quarter finals, Andrew not only cracked the 13s but bitch-slapped
them and kicked their back doors in – a good dose of gas gave him a
13.7 at 106 for a NPB. It didn't help, though, as Russ in the next
lane ran a 9.89...
(For some reason, my
TiVo recording finished in the middle of all the presenters dicking
around driving a Mini over a jump. I can't say I'm particularly disappointed
about that.)
Soon it was time for
the semis, which opened with Russ running a 10.1 to end Pete's run of
luck. Then Simon ripped off a 10.1 of his own at a heady 142mph,
which put Derek out, but he was happy with an 11.91. This set up a
final to look forward to, Simon having run consistent low 10s, but
Russ having shown nine-second form once already. The two lined up and
made mighty burnouts – Simon's burnouts had been the talking point
of the day so far – then moved into stage. This would be a real
nail-biter... or not, as the case may be. The lights ran down and
Simon left a cherry on the tree, leaving Russ to cruise to an
11.4-second win and full points. Simon at least ran a 10.2 to
compensate.
So, another excellent
day's racing from NSCC, and time to pack up and go home. As I was
packing up, I noticed Russ's wheel-arch extensions, cunningly
fashioned from cardboard and duct tape.
None of this “You can't
enter Street Racer because your tyres stick out of your arches”
baloney that we had last year. Alongside the car were small mounds
that looked like molehills, but they turned out to be clumps of
rubber dust that he'd dug out of his arches!
In fact, Russ would go
on to the semis of Street Racer on the Sunday, but Simon would have
his revenge, winning the title and the pot.
Incidentally, Ian had
been all the way home in the van on Saturday afternoon to pick up
some new bearing shells and a firkin of oil, came back to the track
and spent the night rebuilding his bottom end. Now that's dedication,
and it took him to the Street Racer final where he finished runner-up
to Simon. Three NSCCers in the top four – I think that speaks a
volume about where the real street racers live, doesn't it?
Eugene
