28 Years Later

A week or so ago, I watched the first series of The Dukes of Hazzard on DVD. When this first came out (or, at least, when it first made it onto UK TV) it was the talk of the playground. It was ace, and then you could go out and buy the ERTL toys and reenact the stunts and such in the school yard. Thirty-odd years down the line, you realise that it's not really up to much by today's standards - the plot is as thin as the beer in York Dragway's bar, and I don't recall any of the cast ever being nominated for any Academy Awards for their acting abilities. But it was damn good teatime fun.

Tonight, I've just watched the pilot and the first two episodes of The Fall Guy. This was the teatime favourite immediately after the Dukes, if I recall, and, likewise, was just a series of stunts and set-pieces linked together with piss-poor script. Again, though, all good fun.

There are four major (ah-ha-ha) problems with watching these favourites again after all these years. First, you realise that all these were on TV over 30 years ago. That makes me an old bastard. Damn. Secondly, your realise that the cars that were disposable stunt props in 1980 are now exceedingly cool classics. Like the '66 Charger and the '68 Charger written off in the opening sequence of the Fall Guy, or the 409 (!) Dodge Chargers written off in the making of The Dukes Of Hazzard. Thirdly, Lee Majors couldn't sing to save his arsehole. Fourth is the DVD extras.

I love watching the extras on the DVDs, and most of them feature interviews with the cast. Now obviously, you can't expect all these people to look the same as they did 30 years ago; that'd be preposterous. But for christ's sake... This is Catherine Bach/Daisy Duke back in 1979, for the first series of The Dukes Of Hazzard:

And this is Catherine Bach recently, nearly 35 years on:

She's filled out quite nicely, I'd say. Yeah, she's no spring chicken any more, but still a good lay (c. some birthday card I saw once). You can certainly still see the remnants of the woman responsible for an entire generation of boys turning out heterosexual despite growing up in the Eighties.

Now here's Lee Majors as Colt Seavers, in The Fall Guy, circa 1981:

Now here's Lee Majors recently:

I think he might have had a bit of work done, don't you? Frankly, Lee, if I stretch my knacker-bag out until all the wrinkles disappear, it's still a knacker-bag and I'd have trouble convincing anybody otherwise. What makes you think you can get away with it? Who are you trying to kid? I grew up thinking of you as a daredevil stuntman on Saturday evening TV; now you look like the next candidate for investigation by Operation Yew Tree.

Do you also remember Heather Thomas, who played Jody in The Fall Guy? Here's how everyone best remembers her:

And here's how she looks now:

Christ. She looks like my bell-end with a vaguely surprised expression painted on it. Again, who are you trying to kid? Did you wreck yourself that badly in the Eighties that you have to try and persuade people (including yourself) that you're still a Hollywood starlet and should be considered for roles written for a 30-year-old? Love, if you have your mush lifted, nipped and tucked any further, you're going to have your ears on the back of your head and you'll have massive bags under your eyes. Your tits. At least Daisy Duke has grown old(er) with some degree of decorum.

I'm now watching the remake of Hawaii Five-O from a couple of years ago. What could possibly go wrong?

Eugene